The Only Regret
by Kyuuketsuki Fang
Summary: One-shot. 'I don't know when I started loving Lily Evans. Maybe when she became my friend. Perhaps when I first saw her. Or maybe, I fell in love when she left me and I realized how much I needed her.' Snape looks back on his time with Lily.


**This is my first fanfic! Clapclapclap. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Snape, Lily, or James. But I did write the poem.**

_You were my hero_

_You were my king_

_You had been there_

_For everything_

I remember the first time I saw Lily Evans. She and Petunia had been playing. I hid and watched her. Her green eyes sparkled and her whole face lit up every time she laughed. She was so much different.

_You've stood by me_

_Through times and lies_

_You've always been_

_Right at my side_

The first time I revealed myself to her was so long ago. I knew she was a witch. She'd just performed magic, after all. Her sister laughed at me, but I only had eyes for Lily.

We'd talk for hours about magic and Hogwarts. Best of friends, we'd become. It was hard being separated from her. She was sorted into Griffindor, and I Slytherin. We were in different houses. We had different friends.

_But now you're gone_

_We had to part_

_No will to live_

_Stays in my heart_

I saw her drifting away. I wanted to call out to her, to beg her to stay. She was brave, beautiful, caring; the opposite of everything I was. Lily didn't approve of my friends. She was scared of Dark Magic; scared of You-Know-Who.

_You were my start_

_You are my end_

_I know my heart_

_Will never mend_

I don't know when I started loving Lily Evans. Maybe when she became my friend. Perhaps when I first saw her. Or maybe, I fell in love when she left me and I realized how much I needed her.

I loved her and it hurt when she loved James Potter. I called out to her but she still left. I tore my heart apart to hear she had married Potter. Hearing she had had his child was like pouring salt on my wound.

_You were the greatest_

_Friend of mine_

_I always thought_

_That we would shine_

I valued your friendship—your company—more than anything else. I truly believed that we'd be together forever. Truly believed we'd always be friends. How wrong I was.

_Many battles_

_We'd prevail_

_Side by side_

_Hand in hand_

_We had been_

_Something great_

_Our lives had been_

_Entwined by fate_

We trained together, studied together, learned together. Lily Evans had been my dearest friend.

I sometimes wonder where we would be without each other. What would happen if we'd never met? Would she be a different person? Would I?

_We were the brave ones_

_Laughing at death_

_Courageous until_

_Our friendship's last breath_

I never feared death, as long as I was with her. Together with Lily, I could face anything. How jealous I had been of Potter in our seventh year. How jealous I still am. Foolish, one would consider me before.

Now, I am impure. I've been exposed to betrayal, death, evil, fear. I'm no longer the innocent, ignorant child I had been so many years before.

'Brave.' I'd never considered myself that until Dumbledore told me. Am I brave? Could this have been different if I had always been brave?

_Now we're alone_

_Together no longer_

_Now on our own_

_We try to be stronger_

No longer are we 'Lily and Severus.' We've left each other's company. We seek new friends. The hurt in your eyes, the longing in mine. We're each on our own respective paths; mine in the dark, hers in the light. Inevitably, our paths will cross. I hope to delay this meeting, for it will surely result in death. Ironic, I didn't use to be afraid.

Why?

Am I afraid of her?

_The weak ones shall fall_

_Strong ones prevail_

_But it hurts so much_

_To remember our tale_

When I heard about her death, a part of me died along with her. It left a void that I just couldn't fill. She was someone I just couldn't replace. Lily Evans shaped who I was.

Severus Snape died that night. Severus Snape, the brave Slytherin, the one with so much future, the young boy who was so filled with regret, Lily's best friend, the man who loved her.

What was left? Severus Snape, the Dark Lord's spy in Hogwarts, Dumbledore's spy on the Dark Lord, the lonely man with no friends, no hope.

_Joy still eludes me_

_Despair in my eyes_

_I now understand that_

_My choice was unwise_

I cannot fill myself with the happiness that I could once find so easily by looking at her. I wished I would die over and over again, but I couldn't. Not now. Not when I had to protect her son. Protect the result in her love with James. I can't explain it. I feel I have to. To make up for my blunders.

How many times I've wished for another chance? Wished for time to go back so I could change things? I realize how foolish I'd been. If asked again, I would answer so quickly. Lily. She is the most important, the most precious thing to me.

I understand that I can't though. I can't change history, but I can accept it and learn from it. I've hurt her too much. Now I have to make it up to you, smooth out the rough edges. I've made too much mistakes, hurt you too many times.

_We can't be together_

_The damage is done_

_Our story is finished_

_Dark is the sun_

_I treasure our time_

_My memories, too_

_Of You and Me_

_Of Me and You_

**I welcome constructive criticism, BUT FLAMES ARE NOT WELCOME. Compliments are nice too. XD Please review (click that friendly little button below!)**


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